


Sustenance

by sycamoretree



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Family, Feeding, Fluff and Angst, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 18:53:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/738982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sycamoretree/pseuds/sycamoretree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli is a newborn and the Durin family is happy. That is, until Kíli stops eating and won't nurse from Dís, and everyone becomes worried, including Thorin who might lose his heir and nephew. Toddler Fíli who doesn't quite understand what is happening observes from his own perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sustenance

**Author's Note:**

> My weakness for the Durin family and protective uncle Thorin is showing. And maybe many dwarflings suffered from the same trouble and that's why there are so few dwarves left, not to mention the already spread theory of dwarves having difficulty finding their One and then get pregnant. I hope you enjoy this story.

Kili’s birth was celebrated in every home in the Blue Mountains. It was a happy time the first few days after the delivery when Dis proudly presented her newest kin to friends and visitors. The birth of a dwarrow always was a blessing, for they were rare these days. But even an uncomplicated delivery wasn’t a guarantee for a life. Because dwarves sometimes suffered from infant death. And the number of their people decreased which meant every life counted, especially the young ones who were valuable for the cause of, in time, making more dwarrows.

Even royal families were not spared from the misery.

***

Fili had been explained to that he from now on was a brother and even though he might be young yet, he grasped the gravity of that assessment. So when his father soon after the birth of Kili went away to work for a stable and make horseshoes for a few months to bring in coins to his grown family, Fili was a bit sad like his mother at first until he realized he was the dwarf in the house. At least he pretended to be while his mother took care of their home and her two dwarrows.

Then some weeks passed and while his mother regained her usual strength, Kili ate less.

Kili screamed, wailed and cried constantly. Dis explained to Fili that it was because his brother was hungry as the little one kept them up at night. The mother managed to push only a few drops into Kili’s mouth at each meal she tried to give him.

Dis sent word to Thorin who recently resided closer to Blue Mountains than her husband who also worked according to a contract. At first, as soon as Fili’s uncle had entered their home, Thorin almost reproached Dis for failing to feed her little one.

“Whatever ails him, make him eat. He must grow bigger now,” Thorin said sullenly and Fili leant his head back a lot to see the top of his tall uncle in the narrow hallway. Dis protested with calm and logic.

“He won’t nurse. I’ve tried at dawn, at dusk, in the armchair, standing, lying on the bed, drinking herbal tea to make the taste even sweeter, but Kili won’t take it. He’s never latching onto me.”

Thorin took off his travelling coat and stayed a long time.

Fili trotted after his mother’s rustling skirts when she brought Kili to the healers in the Blue Mountain, to other mothering dwarves who offered some milk of their own, but Kili would spit and cry and not drink. Thorin moved in close to their home, in a small cavern with only two rooms, but apparently Thorin though the proximity was more important than personal space. In any case, he spent many hours at their home and had supper with them, joking with Fili and caressing Kili’s soft dark strands when the wriggling dwarrow was carried into the room by their mother.

But somehow, Fili knew everything was not as perfect as it seemed with his legendary uncle showering them with attention. One time Dis sent Fili to the kitchen in the mountain to buy fresh meat; a rare occasion because usually they somehow got meat from hunts some way or another, Thorin or his father used to deliver the kills, but his uncle had barely left his mother’s side for weeks and apparently Dis was tired of only eating salted pork.

Fili struggled to carry home the package of large lamb-racks in his arms, not suffering the weight but rather the sheer size of the object. When he came back home, he entered their dining and storage area and in the corner of his eye he noticed how Thorin paced in the fireplace room.

“He isn’t dead yet!” Thorin yelled, looking livid and his voice carried into the grand hall outside their home. Fili jumped at the loud voice but kept silent with the curiosity of a young person. From his position behind the table, he could see his mother holding out her hands helplessly.

“Brother, he won’t eat! I’m losing him.”

A wild snarl escaped Thorin and then he twisted around and stomped out of their private home, coat whirling behind him. When he had disappeared around a corner, a distorted sound of an urn being shattered reached Dis and Fili. Fili trotted to his mother who remained standing sagged. Fili slipped his small hand into his mother’s trembling one.

“Why is Uncle angry? He scares me.”

Dis smiled down at him, though with tears clinging to her eyelashes. “He is grieving. He hurts so much inside he has to show it to the outside. He won’t harm you.” Then she turned to the cradle where a weak lad slept restlessly.

***

From that day on, nothing seemed as carefree and harmonic like before to Fili. And the greatest worry in the family concerned little Kili who failed to nurse, not that Fili understood what nursing was, but he did observe how his brother never ate anything and grew more lifeless and gaunt for each day that passed.

One night, Fili woke up and initially thought it was because of a need to relieve himself until he felt that no such need had arisen and instead, there was a soft drone that carried from the fireplace room and into his chamber. He climbed out of bed to inquire why the older ones were talking in hushed voices by the faltering fire at this hour and so, Fili sneaked to the door and peered through the crack of the door.

“…starvation,” Dis whispered.

“Maybe we have to prepare for the worst,” Thorin mumbled with his shoulders hunched and head bent low as he leant forward in an armchair whereas Fili's mother poked at the burning wood and coal with harsh motions.

Thorin received a snapping answer from his sister. “You thought he would live before! You never gave up hope. I shall try with goat milk tomorrow. I carried this dwarrow for fourteen moons. He has the raven hair of Durin’s line. He’s as close to a princeling as a dwarf can be, next to Fili of course. He’s your heir, Thorin. And he has the strength of ancient dwarves in him, I know this.”

She sounded as if she wanted to cajole Fili's troubled uncle. Her thick black braid was tangled, Fili discovered. A very rare detail.

Thorin countered with a raspy voice, “And he doesn’t eat. Maybe Mahal didn’t mean for him to live long.”

“So why did he let me carry him and give birth to him?”

Thorin put his face in his hands and mumbled, “Sometimes even I can’t interpret Mahal’s will. Things just happen. And it looks like Mahal will call Kili back to him. You know it’s most uncommon that married dwarves get blessed with more than one offspring. We should be grateful we got to meet Kili, however short that time was. At least you still have Fili.”

“The love for one dwarrow cannot banish the grief for another, Thorin,” Dis snapped and held a fist to her heaving chest. “As if our kin hasn’t suffered enough,” she sobbed suddenly and Thorin rose from the chair and guided her into his embrace.

Fili felt hot tears run down his own cheeks as his mother cried and clung to Thorin. He hated seeing his proud, bright mother distraught like this. He returned unnoticed to his cooling bed and pulled his knees to his chin. He knew something was very wrong with Kili who had stopped laughing altogether and lay listless in his cradle, getting paler and weaker for each day that passed in the somber house.

***

At dinner, Dis sat stone-faced with Kili in a bundle on one arm and stared at the wooden bowl of porridge before her. Fili had grown more attentive of his mother for each day that passed without her smile brightening the day. It felt strange to long so much for a dwarf when said dwarf lived under the same roof as he.

Fili noticed his mother’s passive manner and said aloud so uncle Thorin could hear even as he hungrily wolfed down his meal, “Ma, why aren’t you eating?”

Thorin put down his spoon and his features grew grim as he glared at his sister across the table.

“Dis, nothing good will come from you not eating as well. Eat now.”

She drew a shuddering breath and cradled Kili closer to her chest. In a broken voice, she emitted while still keeping her gaze fixed on the cooling food before her, “Take him, Thorin. I can’t… I can’t eat when my starving dwarrow is looking at me.”

Immediately, Thorin shot up and went to her side to fit little Kili in his large hands as Dis shoulders slumped and she bit her lip hard. Fili harshly brushed dampness from his eyes and pretended not to cry as he swallowed his own porridge and watched Thorin leaving the room with Kili. Finally Dis grabbed the spoon and scooped up food halfheartedly from her bowl.

Fili piped up as he warily dangled his legs on the chair, “Ma, when is Da coming home?”

“Like what I’ve told you before, lad; when frost covers the ground in the morning and the first leaves starts to fall.”

Fili ducked his head down shyly at her serious and not at all playful tone. Still, more questions plagued his young mind. “Is uncle Thorin staying with us ‘cause of Kili?”

Dis massaged her temple and ground out, “Fili, I can’t handle thousands of questions. You get to ask one more, and then I wish you to be calm and quiet, please. Yes, your uncle helps me until Da returns to us, or until Kili gets healthy.”

Secretly, Fili was pleased by this piece of information, for he adored his enormous uncle who played a major part in the legends of the Durin line Fili had heard before he went to bed way before Kili arrived. Then he weighted his last question and his eyes swept over his exhausted Ma.

“Ma?”

“Yes, Fili,” she sighed and pushed the half-empty bowl away from her, a grimace marring her haunted face.

“Are you ill like Kili, too? Is that why you don’t eat anymore?”

And then his mother turned watery eyes at him and sobbed. “Oh, my golden dwarrow. Come here; sit on my lap a while.”

Fili eagerly climbed down the chair and shuffled around the table to reach his mother who leant down with stretched arms and then she hauled him up and positioned him on her lap. He was smothered in a firm embrace and the dowry hair on his mother’s chin ticked Fili’s forehead, but he was content as he relaxed in her still warm and strong arms.

“Now, my little warrior; don’t trouble yourself with what your silly Ma does. I’m not ill, only tired because I worry for your brother. I’m not going anywhere and leaving you alone, my gem.”

She placed a kiss on his head and Fili traced the runes on one of her rings on the clasped hands around his middle.

“Forgive me, Fili. I shouldn’t neglect you. It’s just that when one dwarrow demands a lot from you, it’s hard not to become splintered in your attention. But know this; I, Da, uncle Thorin, and even your brother love you so much no matter where we are.”

“Ma?”

A happy chuckle left Dis and her chest vibrated with glee and brought a smile on Fili’s own face as he turned his face up towards her. “Yes, my inquisitive son?”

“Can you promise to save Kili?”

Dis sobered up and said calmly, “Your uncle has some ideas on that subject. Why don’t you accompany him for the next few days?”

***

Thorin went to other families in the mountain and got cups of milk from other dwarf women for a second try with dwarvish milk.

Kili didn’t drink. Neither did he like the heated goat-milk Fili used to drink with his meals.

Fili joined his uncle when he wandered to the stables at the edge of the hall, close to daylight which the ponies needed now and then as the dwarves otherwise used the animals for pulling devices and lifts within the mountain.

Thorin himself milked a grey mare out of respect for the creature and its fowl they were momentarily taking nourishment from.

Upon their way back to home, Fili tugged at Thorin’s tunic.

“Hello, my dear nephew.” Thorin gave him a soft smile and swung the bucket gleefully, though with care. “You’re being a very good boy when your whole kin goes through this. A small dwarfling usually shouldn’t have to subdue himself when he’s playing, but we’re trying to save your brother. You understand this?”

Fili chewed on a hay straw he’d picked up at the stables, and sniffed the smell of the fresh milk.

“I don’t want to play if I can’t play with my brother,” he explained seriously and Thorin sighed tiredly and caressed his blonde fringe.

As Thorin put the warm, fat milk in a wooden bowl and placed a spoon beside it, a pale Dis emerged from her bedroom with a bundle in her arms.

“He’s slept most of the day. Too much. Thorin, I’m so afraid,” she emitted quietly and gently gave her son to her brother who seated himself in the armchair and hummed to the little one who rested on his strong arm, not letting worry creep into his deep, velvety song. Fili leant over the armrest to watch. Thorin rocked Kili softly in his tiny blanket and the lad blinked at him, silent for once, only now the absence of upset screams seemed to jar his mother further. Fili had a hard time understanding each change in his family’s behavior.

Then Thorin began to sing a song in Khuzdul that Fili couldn’t yet understand, but the melody was pleasant. Fili stretched out one tiny hand and placed it curiously on his uncle’s chest. Vibrations went through his uncle as he sang. The dark hairs on Thorin’s beard waved when thick words left his lips and then he reached for a spoonful of milk and held it to Kili’s still head.

Kili frowned and opened his mouth and Thorin seized the opportunity that presented itself to tip the spoon slightly and let a few drops enter Kili’s mouth. A cough and sputtering followed and Kili began to whine and kick the blanket that lay across his legs. Thorin got a distressed look and stroked Kili’s black tuft of hair, silently asking forgiveness.

After a while, the dwarrow settled down and Thorin made another attempt, this time with prayers to Mahal leaving his lips. And Kili spurned the milk. And Dis sobbed.

***

Some dwarves in the mountain urged Thorin to go far beyond their home and seek milk from the cattle the men often held, or mutton that were herded by lonely guardians near the villages.

Thorin went and came back, having bought and bartered with fine craftworks and jewelry he’d made to get milk from cow and sheep. Despite the cost and travel, the milk did not end up in Kili’s belly for the dwarrow sealed his lips and made such pitiful noises of protest that neither Thorin nor Dis had the heart to continue forcing the nourishment on the stubborn dwarrow.

Instead, Fili drank the odd-tasting but fat milk but he felt bad when he thought it rather belonged in his brother’s belly than in his. And Fili watched a spark die in his uncle’s blue eyes as a few lingering days passed. His own steps felt heavier, as if a dark blanket rested over their previously happy home that had been filled with laughter. It was as if the elder dwarves were waiting for something terrible and that frightened Fili.

***

In the middle of the night, Fili was startled from sleep by clattering noises coming from the dining room.He got up to investigate.

“He’s starving! I must feed him!” Dis moaned and stumbled around the table, with one hand carding through an uncombed mess of hair and the other clutching a keening dwarrow with a face that had grown slim instead of pudgy like normal dwarflings. Fili became very worried at the nightmarish sight of his mother fretting like that and move and spin too fast for Kili’s well-being.

So he went for the one dwarf he trusted could always provide help. He raced out the door and to Thorin’s place. With a strength he didn’t know he possessed, he managed to wrench open the heavy door. Inside, he headed for the bedroom to get Thorin. Fili woke him up by hammering his small fists on his chest.

“Uncle Thorin! Ma is mad and won’t leave Kili alone to sleep!”

Thorin opened bloodshot eyes and threw the covers aside and sprinted to their chambers barefoot, dressed only in breeches and an unlaced shirt. Fili ran along and when they entered the kitchen, both the male dwarves took in the horrible scene. His mother sat hunched on the floor in their small storage in the kitchen and her hand frantically roamed the weighted lower shelves, making food and containers fall down and stain the floor, not holding Kili in her arms anymore.

Kili watched Thorin’s back stiffen, and then the grown dwarf launched himself into the small room and clasped Dis’ shoulders, shaked them.

“Dis! Oh, Aulë, you’re feverish. Where is Kili? Where is my nephew?”

Dis eyes watered and she averted her gaze to stare at the ruined wares. “I must find something he can eat. Anything. I won’t lose him.”

And as Thorin stroked her red, tearstained cheeks, he addressed Fili with a frayed voice.

“Fili, be a big dwarf and look for your brother. Keep him warm and safe. I’ll care for your mother.”

Fili whimpered and shifted on the spot, his bare feet were cold against the floor and he disliked seeing his mother in this state.

“Fili, please!” Thorin begged then with frightening urgency and Fili spun around and began searching for the little dwarrow whose cries would have been very helpful at this hour. Fili opened cupboards, pulled out what drawers they had, looked under and in his mother’s bed, amongst his mother’s wardrobe, his father’s long unused tools, in the cradle. It almost felt like a play of hide and seek, only his brother should be able to join the fun, not lay still and move his mouth mutely as he had done the last few days.

Fili began to despair when his search resulted in nothing and contemplated whether he dared return to Thorin and tell him he couldn’t find his brother when a hushed gurgle sounded from the fireplace. Frowning at the strangeness, Fili stepped closer to the fireplace, but the coal was only glowing ember weakly and couldn’t shine enough light over the corner.

Fili went on all four and crawled around the familiar armchairs, feeling with his arms for objects in his way. Then, straight in front of him, beside the fireplace, he felt something dry. The twined basket where they kept the firewood.

Fili shuffled his legs under him so he could sit by the basket and reached inside it, his little heart leaping at the horror of sticking his hand into something he could not see for a thick darkness. But no splints or hard wood met his hand. Instead, it was the softest of linen. It felt like a bundle Fili had learnt to recognize in his dreams by now, and he shuffled closer to reach around the lump and lift it up and then he shuffled on his knees closer to the ember while resting his burden on his lap.

In the glowing, faint flicker of light, his little brother pouted and grimaced, looking like an old dwarf with dark shadows under the eyes.

“Good evening, Kili. Whatever were you doing in that basket?” Fili greeted lightly, happy he had at last found his brother.

Kili stopped fidgeting and turned his dark eyes to the new voice. Fili grinned proudly at his brotherly prowess, as it was his first honest attempt where Kili was concerned. He hadn’t held that weight since the day he was born, and everyone else had been too busy thinking of Kili’s bad appetite to let Fili properly meet his new kin. Fili therefore decided here and now that he was going to start getting to know his future playmate now, and let uncle Thorin and his mother fight or do whatever they were doing.

Fili hefted the bundle to his chest in order to arrange his legs so he could sit cross-legged in front of the fire. He reached for a stray twig on the floor and put it in the glowing heap of coal, beaming when a flame appeared and began to lick the bark. More light followed, and the sound of wood cracking. Increasing warmth fluttered over the two brothers as well.

Fili unwounded the bundle and gripped Kili’s flapping arm. It was thin but warm.

“Ah, so mother placed you here to stay warm, didn’t she? But I bet you were feeling lonely. Don’t worry, I’m here now. Uncle Thorin often say that: I’m here. Which is an odd thing to announce because I can see with my eyes when he’s here and not here, but I suppose he means it an another way,” Fili babbled and enjoyed the attention he received from his scrawny brother. If he squinted his eyes, he thought he could see the spark of adoration on the dwarrows face.

Kili then gurgled and his round, flat nose turned all creased of dismay. Fili licked his lips in concentration as he put his hand on the small belly. Rumbles met his palm and he could relate to that internal chaos.

“You’re hungry even when it’s night and you’re meant to sleep and dream of gold and jewels. I don’t think it’s your fault, though, nor mother’s, or Thorin’s or even Mahal’s. Maybe not even the animals whose milk we got to give to you. I tried some of the remaining milk when no-one was looking. Fat and sweet, that’s the stuff for a dwarf.”

Fili looked around and happened to notice the abandoned mug he himself hadn’t been able to finish this evening sit on the small table beside one armchair. Quick as a shadow, Fili put Kili down and got the mug and squinted into it. Half-empty with the common and perfectly adequate goat-milk that most dwarflings drank in the evenings.

Fili came back to his brother and hoisted him up to lean across his lap and propped his head with the linen against Fili’s elbow. As he placed the mug before them, Fili spilled some milk onto his forefinger and was ready to wince but no searing pain appeared. The milk was, not cool exactly, but nor was it heated or warm from animals. It was tempered like the air, neither hot nor cold. And if the milk didn’t hurt Fili, maybe it wouldn’t hurt Kili.

“Kili, I want to try something. You must promise to do your best, and not scream if you hate it, because I doubt mother can handle much more trouble tonight.”

Then Fili dipped his finger into the wetness and dragged it across Kili’s sealed lips. His brother inhaled sharply and squirmed but Fili was determined to make a new attempt. He left Kili’s lips soaked with milk and dipped his finger again.

“Open your mouth and try it. I swear it’s not going to burn your mouth. I’m always afraid a mug of milk is going to burn, but this one won’t. I think you’re afraid like me, so that’s why we have to stick together and help each other. Please, beloved brother, taste the drops.”

Fili swept his finger slowly over Kili’s lips and this time, the small jaw moved and Kili made faint smacking noises. Encouraged by the breakthrough, Fili pressed the finger between the lips and warned, “No biting. We’re royalty and princes don’t bite.”

It was common knowledge that dwarrows got their teeth far earlier than human babies, as some sort of natural weapon to defend themselves with until they could wield a proper weapon. Fili tilted his head to follow Kili’s response and the dwarrow accepted a few drops that trickled into his mouth from the tip of Fili’s finger.

“Well done,” Fili praised and repeated the process and this time, when the sweet taste had hit Kili’s tongue, the younger one hungrily gaped at Fili who hurried to put his soaked finger in the mouth. Kili made a tickling suction around his digit before releasing it and it came away without the white sheen, having been replaced by spit, but Fili knew this was a good sign.

He continued to coo and feed Kili, too busy by the spontaneous progress to notice how the branch became crumpled as the time flew by, or the approaching heavy steps in the next room.

“Fili, where are…!” Thorin called with a tight and exhausted voice when Fili jerked his head around and saw his uncle by the door, clasping the doorway until the knuckles turned white and the grown-up’s face was drained of colour. Thorin was staring at Fili who got anxious and cradled Kili closer in a protective way to give them both courage.

Thorin swallowed and croaked hoarsely all of a sudden, “You’re feeding him.”

“He was hungry so I’m giving him half my milk,” Fili reported obediently before shushing and rocking the not yet full dwarrow who began to fret when the delivery of sustenance had paused. Fili resumed his task but kept his eyes on Thorin warily. Thorin’s red eyes followed his dripping finger as it moved to Kili’s mouth and the following greedy swallow from the little one.

That was when Fili looked around himself and noted the mess he’d made with spilled driblets of milk drenching the lower half of Kili’s face, the valuable bundle and his own nightshirt. He chewed on his lip guiltily and whispered with a trembling tone to Thorin’s unmoving expression, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see the mess. I will clean it up, it was just that, that… Kili seemed so hungry and won’t stop eating , so I want to make him empty the mug and…”

Thorin held out one hand to silence him before storming off, shouting with a wild laugh, “Dis! Dis! The dwarrow is feeding! Kili is feeding from Fili’s milk! Blessed Mahal, the lad eats!”

A shout from their mother startled the calmness between the brothers but Fili bent down and brushed his nose against that funny flat one, getting a feeling they wouldn’t be alone for much longer.

“It’s just mother. She gets crazy sometimes, but she loves us. And how could she not; we’re the best dwarves ever.”

Kili grinned back and made puppy eyes at Fili whose heart melted and so, he kept feeding his little brother.

**Author's Note:**

> So, Kili was just sensitive to the temperature of the milk all along! Happy endings are the best after angst. Feel free to comment or give me kudos if you think I deserve it ;)


End file.
